![]() ![]() Whether you’re trying to get through to your guy or your girl it can feel like the harder you try to communicate, the harder they try to avoid. … he gets defensive when I tell him how I feel. ![]() This “pursue-withdraw” dynamic also happens in same sex relationships with both men and women. You might be tempted to think that this is a “man thing.” Not true: a significant portion of relationships have women who withdraw in tense moments, and male partners who pursue. It’s incredibly common to have one person in a relationship shutting down during conflict, which increases the frustration and loneliness (and often the volume) of the other. Is Your Partner Someone Who Shuts Down During Communication? Do They Withdraw?Ĭan you relate to what Mary is saying? If so, you’re not alone. Yes, I get mad at him, and I don’t want to be that person, but I feel like it’s the only way to get him to listen.” I feel blamed when I’m actually the one being totally invalidated. Then he says that I’m talking down to him, or that it feels like I have ‘ anger issues‘ that are the problem in our relationship. “If I really, really push it and go after him sometimes he’ll react, and we’ll finally address something, but it’s like I have to totally freak out to get him to go there with me. It’s like talking to a wall.” She goes on. I don’t feel heard in my relationship, and it’s impossible to get him to talk about his feelings with me. It’s our second marriage counseling session, and she’s explaining, “I bring up anything, and immediately he gets defensive when I tell him how I feel. How to Communicate with Someone Who Shuts Down.Īre you trying to communicate with someone who shuts down? “He tells me whatever I want to hear so that we can stop talking about it as soon as possible,” Mary says, huffily, arranging the pillows of The Couples Counseling Couch behind her. ![]()
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